Chapter 5

She found Rose where she had said she would be, sitting on the dock with a book, peacefully reading with only the noise of the lapping waves and faint cries of loons in the distance. She sat quietly, not sure how to begin speaking and not wanting to disturb Rose from her book. Rose look up and smiled that soft calming smile that made the girl feel relaxed.“You must feel better now, yes? I know I always have more perspective on things after a warm shower.”“I don’t know how to answer your question…” responded the girl, surprising herself by her response. As much as she longed to explain to someone what she had gone through, the fight and anger in her continued to put up an emotional barrier that even she did not know how to take down.Rose nodded knowingly. “It is hard to admit that everything you thought you had control of, you don’t, huh?”The girl’s fists clenched and she felt her jaw tense up to keep from screaming at this woman. She knew in her heart that talking, telling, explaining and admitting to herself would be a good thing, but at this point, she was unable to bring herself to start. She longed to even be able to admit to herself how bad things had become but she just couldn’t. She broken down crying again, shaking with frustration more than anger.“I can’t telling you!” she screamed out, “I don’t even know you”Rose responded, “maybe that is the best, my dear, telling your story to someone that has no part in it? No interest in how you got here? I have nothing to gain by you confiding in me, but I think you have a lot to lose if you do not let someone else hold onto your burden for a while. I can be your story’s keeper. Hold onto it until you are ready to deal with it. Holding it in is killing you, and I think that you realize that.”The girl sat quietly staring at the water from between the boards on the dock taking in all that Rose had said. How great it would feel to let go of everything she had held inside for so long. No longer having to be the keeper of secrets so dark and disturbing that they kept her from sleeping most nights.“I am not sure I can, I mean, we never talked about it, it was done, we moved on...the past is just the past, right? Accept it and move past it, isn’t that what everyone says?”Rose looked knowingly towards the girl with a look of empathy that can only come from being in the same situation before.“just because that is what people say does not make it right, you know. Sometimes we have to ask for what we need. Each person is different”“It’s not that easy” she thought to herself. All the years of pain and holding it back blurred the edges of the reality of the happenings with the reality that her mind created in order to be able to cope. Her head began spinning as the thoughts and memories began flooding through her causing her mind to drown in thoughts. The nausea returned and she flung herself towards the edge of the dock emptying her pain into the silent lake.“it isn’t that hard to speak once you start, you know” Rose put a hand on the girls shoulder trying to reassure her.“I just want to leave, I want to go home, I want out of here!” the girl hysterically sobbed, her whole body shaking with a mixture of misplaced rage and pure emotional exodus. Hugging her knees she continued to sob, knowing that what she said was not what she meant, she wanted to let go of the past, let the woman know everything. She actually liked the fact that someone was taking care of her, that someone cared enough to save her from herself. The sobbing continued to grow in magnitude until Rose spoke.“I think that it is time we go inside, I’ll get you another cup of tea, and start dinner. Maybe you can have a nap while I get things ready?”The girl nodded happy that she was being asked, instead of told. They walked together towards the cottage and the girl began to relax. Maybe this was a good thing for her? To disappear for a while and let someone else take over for a while? She thought about if people would worry…no, of course not…most would probably be glad that she was gone for a bit – give them a break and chance to catch up on the weeks worth of work that she typically only gave them hours to complete.Reaching the cottage, she followed Rose in and took a seat at the kitchen table. She began to feel this mellow yet painful emotion that she couldn’t put her finger on. She began to cry, and Rose approached her putting a hand on her shoulder.“Taking the time to feel can be draining. Lets sit and you can start from the beginning. Tell me how you arrived here.”The girl closed her eyes and began her story. The stress at work, how angry she was, not eating, not sleeping, so much coffee. How she worked so hard to get the position at work she had. How she had put herself last in order to push beyond what people thought she was capable of. It would all work out in the end...at least she thought it would. She just wanted people to see her as being capable and for that, she knew she had to hide her past, her pain, everything that could make her seem weak.Hearing a car coming up the driveway, the girl stopped speaking and turned. Rose smiled and said,“It’s just Jack coming to check on you. He was dealing with your car last night.”“Oh,” were the only words the girl could get out. What had happened to her car? She couldn’t remember and felt quite confused at the moment. The girl smiles as Jack approached but she feels extremely apprehensive. She realizes that he’s definitely police and in a small town like this, probably only one of a few officers. She worries that she’s in over her head, that her actions last night are going to land her in a PR nightmare.Jack extends his hand to the girl, introduces himself, and adds, “nice to see you conscious this morning, Ms. Tamblin.”Trying not to look nervous, the girl responds, “you as well...and you can call me Laura.”Jack takes a seat and looks over at Rose with a smile before returning to Laura, “we should probably get started sooner than later on getting a statement from you. After speaking with the bar’s owner I’ve learned you had one hell of a night last night, but it is still unclear whether or not I should be opening a rape investigation.”Laura looks down at the fidgeting fingers on her hands trying to figure out what to say. Had it been rape? It was rough, really rough, but not completely unwanted. She didn’t say no...didn’t say yes either, mind you. When she thinks of her past it was always a no, a fight, a completely unwanted event. This time it seemed all the more confusing. Unable to return her glaze to Jack she mumbles,“I’m really not sure.”Jack presses, but Rose stops him and suggests that they go inside and speak in private for a bit. Laura watches as they walk back to the cottage. She hugs her knees into her chest making herself into a tiny ball. She’s scared of what is about to happen and realizes that she is going to have to make a choice to either lie about last night’s events or explain how disgraceful her life had become. She felt embarrassed and ashamed, but most of all she was terrified. What was supposed to be a night of destruction had turned on her. She didn’t end up getting what she wanted, instead she ended up in the hands of a caring older women she felt safe with. She watched Jack and Rose talking on the porch of the cottage and her stomach did flip flops. There was no way out of this - she was going to have to tell the truth.