Chapter 10

There comes a point in every woman’s journey when she realizes that her story is not unique. So many women go through what Laura had gone though, yet almost all go through it alone. Stories running in parallel never crossing each other. The surprise in finding out about another’s journey was not that they share a history, but that they spoke up about it. No one questioned that it had happened to others. Everyone knew. No one spoke up. The life destroyed by actions was not worth destroying the life of the person who committed those actions. That was the painful part of living in silent parallels.Laura and Rose sat for a long time on that floor sharing in each other’s pain. The floor felt safe for both of them, but especially for Laura who felt as if her feet hadn’t been on solid ground in years. It was time to speak the truth, to stop living in a world where being perfect was the only thing that made up for her past, and just admit that she was hurting in a way that she could no longer live with.“Ever sit wanting to say something that sounds perfect in your mind, but you can’t get it out in words? It’s like I sit there repeating it in my head hoping beyond hope that the person beside me is telepathic or that my mouth will just open and the sound of my thoughts will leak out.”Rose smiled knowing exactly what Laura was describing. That feeling where you want to share more than anything in the world, but you’ve kept your story a tight secret inside your head for so long that it is the only place that the story is willing to be heard. Your mind will always keep the story safe, letting those words leave your head and enter into air meant that they were out there in the world and you would lose control over them.The sound of a car on the gravel path broke the silence of the room. Jack’s truck pulled up along side the porch and the women watched as he strode up the steps rapping on the screen door. Rose stood to greet him but his eyes were on the girl, still on the floor, face stained with tears. He questioned if he should have the conversation with her, but a quick glance at Rose let him know it would be okay.“We found the guys who hurt you and want to press charges. Not the nicest of fellows, always been a bit of trouble around here, but we will need your go ahead and help in order to get the charges to stick. Won’t be easy, this type of he said she said crime never is. Innocent until proven guilty and all that”Laura said nothing, but closed her eyes to keep herself from giving Jack a piercing look. Did he not know that by saying innocent until proven guilty he was really saying that she was a liar until they could prove she was truthful? That she was culpable for what happened to her until she could prove that it was not her fault? She knew all to well how this would go. The fact that she was drinking, the clothes that she had been wearing, and all of her actions leading up to the assault would be brought up as a way to prove that she deserved what happened to her, that it wasn’t the man’s fault, how were they supposed to control themselves when she acted how she had? The privilege of being innocent until proven guilty was one that woman knew didn’t apply to them in these cases. They were always guilty of temptation. Always responsible for another’s actions.“I do not wish to press charges,” was all she said before standing and walking to her room. Closing the door behind her she curled up on the bed, hugging a pillow, and wept.She knew how it would go. There was no point in fighting it. Maybe it was her fault, but that honestly did not matter. People would think it was her fault. The courts and juries would think it was her fault. Finger pointing, eye rolling, and blame was all that would come out of pressing charges. It wasn’t worth it. Everyone knew that. Unless you were the perfect victim, pressing charges was just masochist.Jack looked over at Rose completely flabbergasted hoping that she would explain what had just transpired, but instead Rose shook her head, “sometimes you can be a very dense ass,” she grumbled as she walked away leaving Jack in the kitchen alone. Jack just stood there. What else was he supposed to do? This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. He was supposed to come in, give good news, have that girl thank him for finding who hurt her, and then they would press charges, and things would go how they should. Instead, he had a feeling that everyone was angry at him, but had no clue why. Wasn’t he the good guy here? He wasn’t the one that hurt her. He was the one who found who had hurt her. Confused and hurt, Jack walked back to his truck and drove off.Rose knocked lightly on the door before opening it. Sitting on the bed beside Laura, she didn’t speak or reach out to comfort her, instead she chose to just be present with Laura and her pain. It was a hurt all to familiar to women. The hurt that it didn’t matter what someone did to you, you were always partly to blame. Being a women meant that you were always somewhat culpable for other people’s actions. Was it was what you wore? Was it a smile, or maybe the way you made eye contact with someone? Were you alone at night? The question was always, “what did you do to bring this on?” closely followed by, “what could you have done to stop it?” Rose knew how much the reality of the situation hurt. How hard it was to not only have to deal with what happen, but the pain of being held to account more than your attacker ever would be.Laura’s sobs slow and eventually bled into the slow shallow breaths of sleep. Sleep was an escape from the pain, Rose knew that it may be the only way to escape it, and quietly left the room letting Laura’s mind find the peace it desperately needed.